Days of Our Lives

Moving

2009-12-05T18:23:00.000-08:00

So, this is it. The big "reveal." Since May I've been creating a new blog site. And now I'm ready to share it with you. (I'll deal with my follow-through issues at a later date.)

www.earseyesnosetail.com

Please visit me at this site. At some point, I may even explain the name. See you there.

ears eyes nose [tail]

Thanksgiving Vacation: Beyond the Turkey

2009-11-30T18:33:00.000-08:00

We fit about as much into three days as humanly possible last week. Here a few of the highlights from Jaden's perspective:Playing with Grandpa's computer. Note the Super Cool Dump Truck that was just living at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Awesome.

But not nearly as awesome as this gift they gave me: the Best Garbage Truck Ever. My parents even brought it back home with us so now it lives in our house. I.love.it.The trucks just kept getting bigger! Can you believe this little number that that Grandma and Grandpa pulled out of their garage? Seriously, who has this stuff on hand?

Okay, from here it was official. We are moving to Atlanta. Five minutes in the Aquarium and I had squealed more times than in my entire life up to this point.

Grandpa didn't rake his leaves because he wanted me to have the experience of a huge leaf pile. I guess he heard my parents live in a subdivision where the baby trees drop ~10 leaves each. Thanks Grandpa!

My cousins and I played in the leaves for a very long time. The big kids even threw coins in the middle of pile and used Grandpa's metal detectors (yup...plural) to find them. You can't see me here, but I'm with Katie and Nicholas in the middle of the tarp. I think this was the Most Fun, but it hard to judge.

Thanksgiving Vacation: Family

2009-11-29T17:00:00.001-08:00

I envision a three-part installment dedicated to our vacation to Atlanta for Thanksgiving Vacation. We'll see what happens. That is why I started with "Family" first. In case the week gets the best of me and I don't get around to the other two I figured I should start with the most important piece.

Dustin's entire immediate family was together for this Thanksgiving. That's all of us above. The cute kids in the front row are Nick, Christopher and Katie. They are adorable. And energetic. And GREAT cousins. Jaden loved, loved, loved playing with them. It was so good to see them. We don't get to nearly enough.

In the backrow are Dustin, myself, Jaden, Heather (Dustin's sister) and Lee (Heather's husband.) They are the proud parents of the three cuties in the front. This Thanksgiving was especially meaningful to Heather's family as Lee was on leave from Afghanistan where he has been serving our country since June. We were all so thankful to have Lee safely home with us for this holiday.

In the middle are Dustin's parents, Ron and Cheryl. They made our vacation to Atlanta nothing short of fantastic. Jaden thought he had landed in toddler heaven at their home, and I'm sure is seriously questioning our judgment at ever leaving. We were so happy to be with them in their home for this holiday.

It sounds cliche, but there is nothing better than being with family for the holidays. We flew into the busiest airport in the world, on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, with a child (ours) who screamed for half of our flight in a way that I have never heard before. And it was completely worth it.

Thumbs Up

2009-11-24T10:35:00.000-08:00

This photo was taken two days before we flew across the ocean from Korea to America. That was almost a year ago. And Jaden had a cold. And I thanked all the powers that be that this little guy sucked his thumb.

This year we are flying to see Jaden's grandparents for Thanksgiving. And Jaden has a cold. And I am so thankful that he still sucks his thumb.

But. I would just like to throw something out there. His thumb has been loved a little too much since his has contracted this last cold. He has sucked so much that I believe he either has a huge blood blister on the end of this appendage OR he stuck it through the meat grinder when I wasn't looking. It is not pretty. But he still dutifully sticks it in his mouth.

Therefore, I am left to wonder exactly how strong is the skin on the end of one's thumb? Will he suck through all of the layers? Will he start bleeding spontaneously? Will it ever get so sore that he won't suck on it? Does anyone have legitimate answers to those questions?

I know I used up alot of good graces on our last airplane trip, but maybe I could still ask for one more thing? Please, please, please let Jaden's thumb be healthy for our Thanksgiving travels. All those within a quarter mile radius of us will probably want to issue the same plea.

And now, I will pack.

Gender Neutral?

2009-11-11T11:15:00.000-08:00

As I checked in on Jaden last night before I went to bed, I had to untwist him from a book that has accompanied him to sleep since the day we bought it three weeks ago. The name of the book? "Trucks." That's it. And that is all he desires.

This morning he asked to have his new truck, a gift from a thoughtful neighbor, on the table with him during breakfast. I turned my back, and the next thing I knew the bed of the truck had become his new cereal bowl. (And, no, I don't feed my kid cat food. Those little kibbles are Cracklin' Oat Bran. Yum.)

Later this morning Jaden nearly jumped out of his skin because the garbage truck came by, and then the recycling truck made its rounds. The driver even honked at him and the neighbor boy we were playing with at the time. This = awesome.

We bought some sippy cups a few months back that have little trucks on them. We are lucky that Jaden takes in fluids the days he uses them, as he is so busy pointing to the vehicles making his amazing truck sounds.

I swear I have done nothing to encourage this stereotypical obsession. I don't care if Jaden plays with dolls, strollers, or tanks as long as he is enjoying himself and letting me drink my morning coffee. He has fallen in love with these four-wheeled monsters on his own, and I don't think there is a thing I can do about it.

I guess my collection of Hello Kitty paraphernalia will have to wait for our little girl.

Imperfection

2009-11-07T14:18:00.000-08:00

The Hawkeyes lost on Saturday. This loss marks the end of their "perfect" season. Their quarterback got injured early in the game. Their back-up wasn't quite ready for the job. They lost 14-10.

I missed the first part of the game because I was at a conference for adoptive families. The keynote speaker was Dr. Steve Kahn. While he is an adoptive parent himself, and was speaking to a room full of adoptive parents, his message was fairly universal to all parents. He spoke about the power of parenting in moments of imperfection. He talked primarily about how we, as parents, might react to the mistakes our children will make and about the disappointments they will face. What I took away was that pre-adolescent kids make fairly predictable mistakes. What differs more greatly is how parents react.

He encouraged the use of discipline, but with compassion and perspective. This might sound like common sense. But, as I've already discovered, when your child repeatedly does something "wrong" (in Jaden's case like running into the street or playing with the stove knobs) it is sometimes very difficult to remain calm and loving.

One thing he said really stuck with me. It was a variation on the theme that life is "10% circumstance 90% what one does with those circumstances." He fit this into a spiel encouraging us to let our kids know that bad things can happen in a day without it having to ruin a day. Again, this sounds simple and maybe even cliche. But, I think it did me some good to hear it.

So, when the Hawkeyes lost later that day I told Jaden (and myself) it was okay. They are still a great team, and I am still one of their biggest fans. And when Jaden makes inevitable mistakes, I'll still think he is amazing and will always be his biggest fan.

Kissy Face

2009-11-06T09:51:00.001-08:00

To date, this is by far the cutest thing Jaden has done. For the past few weeks he gives kisses all of the time. This is particularly interesting considering he really didn't start kissing until August. Now he is unstoppable.

For Jaden, right now, the kissing business is serious business. For example, when Dustin puts his coat on in the morning to leave for work Jaden chases him around the house with the same face as is photoed above. This face is always accompanied by "ooo-ooo" which translates into "kiss me now, now, now!".

Another funny thing is that one kiss is never enough. Our bedtime routine has gotten a little silly recently. Jaden puts approximately 35 toys and books in his crib before he feels his nest is ready for him. Finally I put him in his crib and tell him to "lie down and I'll cover you up." He dutifully puts himself into a horizontal position -- for a millisecond. Then he shoots up, grabs a hold of the side of the crib and puts on his best kissy face complete with sound effects. I kiss him, hold his cheeks and tell him I love him. And then we do it all over again. He would do this as many times as I would let him. And, I have to be honest, this is a hard habit of which not to take advantage. Eventually I tell him this is the "last one" and make my grand exit. He never cries, but sometimes I still hear him "ooo-ooo"-ing as I shut the door.

It is heartbreakingly adorable.

Trick-or-Treat

2009-11-01T05:22:00.001-08:00

This past August I was talking with my sister. It was a few days before Dustin, Jaden and I were going to trek 9+ hours in a car to go and visit her family for a week. We were discussing things we could do during our visit (as if caring for 4 children wouldn't be enough.) At some point the conversation went like something like this:

Ali: "I think I'm going to make Jaden a lion costume for Halloween."

Teresa: "That sounds good, maybe I'll do the same for Caleb. Let me look up some patterns on-line."

We then had a web-conference (the stay-at-home-mom kind) and found the "perfect" costume. Within three days, Teresa had secured the patterns and all of the materials necessary for the creation of the costumes. She was prepared for my visit.

I would like to let everyone know that I used to be able to sew. When I was in 4-H. When I was twelve. Those skills are more than a little rusty at this point. But, thankfully, my sister and mother are pretty much professional seamstresses. With their assistance at every turn, the costume was constructed in August and September. The last month and a half have been spent making the lion's mane. It seemed an exercise in futility. As I glued each of the four thousand ribbons on the lion's hood, I knew he'd never wear it. Each time we had a trial run he ripped the head off within three seconds. Then, I had an idea.

We live in the frozen tundra. Since September, Jaden has had to wear a hat each time he goes outside for safety reasons. So, when we got ready to trick-or-treat last night I matter-of-factly told him that he had to wear a hat outside. I broke out the lion's hood, and promptly secured it under his chin. He didn't look back. He wore the blessed costume.

I question what Jaden's opinion of this costume will be when he is eighteen. But, I couldn't imagine anything more adorable at eighteen-months. Thank you, Teresa. Thank you, mom. Thank you, Jaden.

Happy Halloween.

Graduation

2009-10-24T05:01:00.001-07:00

Deductions:

1. Sitting at highchairs makes you REALLY messy.
2. Sitting at the table makes you look super grown up and serious.
3. You don't need a bib when you sit at the table.
4. You need a hazmat suit to sit at the highchair.
5. Post-meal clean up is reduced by 200% with the introduction of the toddler table chair.

*Currently the highchair is going through a 57 step decontamination process after which it will be relegated to the basement. Thank you highchair. You served your purpose, but we are more than happy to see you go.

What did you say?

2009-10-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

There is a lot going on in Jaden's world right now. At his eighteen month appointment, the doctor said not to worry about language development just yet. He said the world is still too exciting at this age for a toddler to focus on coherent communication. As he was telling me this, Jaden was destroying the doctor's office. I know words and phrases and sentences come quickly at some point in the next year or so. Our two-year-old neighbor can carry on a better conversation than many of the high school students I used to teach. But, for now, we get constant jibber-jabber that is only occassionally understandable. Nonetheless, it is outstanding in my book. Here is Jaden's list of words at eighteen months, complete with a mother's translation:

"Dada": By far his favorite word. Morning. Noon. Night.

"Ba": Mom. No joke. All the time.

"Mama": Rarely. Usually when extremely sad.

"Zhar-Zhar": Charlie. The dog.

"Ahhhhh": Said in a high-pitched squeal. It equals Alan. The cat.

"Zhruh": Truck. Usually screamed. Clapping follows.

"Buh": Bus. More clapping.

"Ba": Ball. Not to be confused with mom.

"Nigh-Nigh": So cute.

"Nnnah": Said emphatically. Means "outside" or "downstairs".

"Muh": Moo. Like a cow.

"Duh": Duck.

I'm sure there are a couple more, but this is pretty much it right now. We did teach him a few signs which he uses often. He even made up two of his own. The cutest one is when he sees a cat he pretends to take a "catbath" and licks his "paws." Honestly, toddlers are so cute...until they aren't. Which is list for another day.

Fun is...

2009-10-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

A Good Idea

2009-09-27T17:42:00.000-07:00

So we were on our Tour de Iowa. The first few days were spent completely cut off from civilization (read: we had only satellite TV and no Internet service) at a "remote" cabin. This forced some creative thinking on the part of all participants who included myself, Jaden, Dustin, my mom, my dad and Charlie. The first afternoon there we rallied around the proposal of going for a walk.

To set the stage for the rest of this story, please understand that it was quite wet that afternoon. It had been raining, and even when it wasn't raining the humidity level was at approximately 115%. Regardless we were determined to commune with Mother Nature. In this vein I wanted my suburban dog to get the opportunity of a lifetime: a walk without a leash. My husband vehemently said "no." He said it was too wet. I scoffed at him and told him how good Charlie is at the local dog park. I told him I'd been training Charlie for this very moment. I promised to dry him off when we got back. Believe it or not -- I had even brought his puppy towel with decorative paws. It was meant to be. I let the pup off his leash.

Here is the picture I took just after this fateful moment.

And here is a picture fifteen minutes later.

He found a lake. A nasty lake. An algae-infested, seed-pore pregnant, mudbottomed lake.

It wasn't Charlie who had his tail between his legs on the walk back to the cabin. Dustin, my mother and my father sat back and watched me use an entire (travel-sized) bottle of baby shampoo on Chuckles while hosing him down with glacier-cold water. I then had to dry the dog, brush the dog and wash him down some more. It.took.forever. I couldn't ask for help. Pride prevented it. And they wouldn't have helped even if I had asked, because they all thought I needed to learn a lesson.

Here's what I learned: if Charlie is ever going to be respected as a dog who (used to) have a pair, I am going to have to let him commune with nature more often. Just not the kind of nature that has lakes. Or seeds. Or grass. Other than that, consider him officially in training.

Last September

2009-09-23T05:14:00.000-07:00

In a couple of days we are going on a roadtrip to Iowa. We are seriously taking a tour of the state including a stay in a picturesque cabin (yes, this exists in Iowa...I think), a visit to my parent's home, and a trip to Dustin's parent's home-away-from-home (see the JG Cook House link on the side.) We have made the drive to Iowa SO many times over the years. We know every exit by heart. We know where to use the facilities, where to eat, where to get excited that we are almost there, where you are most likely to get stuck in the winter, and where you are most likely to get swept away by a tornado in the summer.

There is one exit that will be a part of our family history forever. A year ago from last weekend a social worker from our agency called as we crossed the border into Iowa. She had a referral for us. She read us the details and asked if we'd like to see pictures and review the file. We said yes, and the email was sent. We pulled over at the next exit and prayed for the wireless gods to shine upon us in the middle-of-nowheresville. They did. Slowly but surely the pictures uploaded, pixel by pixel. All of a sudden we saw him. And our world was changed forever.

We will be sure to stop at this exit on this trip. We'll probably be busy making sure the dog doesn't eat another dog, and that Jaden doesn't get too intimate with any of the semi-trucks that he obssesses about. I don't know if we'll have time to reflect on how fundamentally our lives have shifted since that day. It was on that day that we became parents emotionally if not physically. It was on that day that we "met" our son. It happened at a rest stop. In Iowa. In September.

Waiting...again

2009-09-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

As of today Dustin, Jaden and I are officially a waiting family in the Korea program with our adoption agency. Our new social worker came out today to complete our adoption study. I think we passed despite the fact that I plopped Jaden down in front of an Elmo video for the majority of her visit.

We are waiting for a referral for a little girl this time, and the projected time frame is nine to twelve months for this referral. This is quite a bit longer than the five months we waited for Jaden's referral to come to us. I think one of the most common questions we get when discussing Jaden's adoption concerns his gender. There is a perception that boys rarely have adoption plans made for them from Korea. While this is certainly true of China, the gender ratio of adoptees from Korea is much closer to 50% girls and 50% boys. However, the majority of waiting families prefer to adopt girls, thus making the wait time for a boy significantly shorter.

So, here we go again. I know the wait will be different this time. I know there will be ups and downs as the timeframes change throughout the upcoming year. But we are ready to continue building our family and are overcome with happiness and excitement about the prospect of beginning that process.

Toddler Time

2009-09-16T14:56:00.000-07:00

On Monday, Jaden and I went to our first session of Toddler Time together. I think I referred to it as Puppy Class when I was discussing this with my sister. I was overwhelmed. I can't imagine how Jaden felt.

Ten toddlers, toddling. There was some "structure" to the class: playtime, circle time, snack time, and parent circle time. I was looking forward to meeting some other stay-at-home moms. At the rate we began, I will complete a conversation with a parent in the group at about week six. Controlled chaos is the only term that can accurately describe those ninety minutes. I don't know why I'd expect anything else, considering my daily existence at this point is considered a success as long as everyone/thing in the house has been somewhat adequately fed, bathroomed and entertained.

The official circle time lasted about ten minutes. Jaden's lasted two. Then he went off to play on the slide, and to push the dolly in the cart, and to throw various balls throughout the room. I didn't know if he was even paying attention to the rest of the goings on until one adorable little girl came and sat on my lap. Within ten seconds Jaden was at my side vehemently protesting the arrival of another child on his mom's lap. Kids are funny little creatures.

We topped off Toddler Time this week with a trip to storytime at the library today. It lasted thirty minutes. Jaden only screamed his head off once (his balance is a little off today) and only sat down never. The absolute highlight was when the nice woman telling stories to 25 wee ones put stamps on each of their hands. Jaden was mesmerized. He smeared the ink immediately and stared at his little fist the whole way home. I'm kind of scared he is skipping his nap right now while commiserating with his purple stamp. Note to self: get hand stamps.

So begin our experiences in the world of early childhood education. As a high school teacher, none of this is innate. While I'm a mean dancer (seriously, my Running Man is awesome) I am not a good singer (understatement.) Apparently kids Jaden's age LOVE for everything to be a song. Since Monday I've made up two really good tunes that make Jaden stop in his tracks. I feel like the Pied Piper. I'll upload one of my original hits when it is good enough for recording. I may even choreograph a dance to go along with it. For that I fully expect a Mom of the Year award.

We'll take a break from "learning" this weekend to watch some more football. I'd hate to overdo things in the first few weeks.

The End of Summer

2009-09-09T04:22:00.000-07:00

School started yesterday in our neck of the woods. Jaden yelled and clapped for the bus. He was in shorts and his summer sandals. They are nearly too small now. It doesn't matter. In two weeks he won't be able to wear them anymore anyway..he'll need boots instead.

The weather has started to change. Football kicks off with full force tomorrow. The Iowa vs. Iowa-State game is this weekend. Lows are in the 40s and 50s at night now. I've given up on gardening. Things are definitely lining up for some chili soon. Fall is definitely here.

I will miss summer. I will miss warmth. I will miss having endless outdoor spots to take little Jaden. He has become a master at play structures. At the beginning of the summer he could barely climb stairs. Now, he takes on the biggest slide at each park. By himself. He got big. And brave. I love him so much.

These pudgy little baby feet will be more like little boy feet next year when we break out new sandals. I will still put sunscreen on him diligently, and he will still turn brown. But for now it is time to break out the socks, the pants, the long-sleeved shirts and the jackets. I've already started searching for a good winter coat and snowpants. It's time to get even more creative with indoor activities. And invest in some new videos. And hope Jaden likes to watch football.

Good-bye summer. Thank you for the zebra feet.

Good-bye feet. I'll see you again in May.

On Notice

2009-09-02T11:27:00.001-07:00

Dear Ms./Mrs. Mosquito,

My son really, really, really enjoys playing outside. I understand that you do as well. However, it appears as if you and he cannot peacefully coexist in the outdoors. You seem to have a nasty habit of biting him and sucking his blood. This is repulsive and, quite frankly, not socially acceptable behavior. So, I beseech you to please go and find another source of nourishment for your eggs other than MY SON'S FACE.

Thank you,

P.S. Enclosed is photographic evidence of your destruction on only half of this precious face. Number 3 is particularly nasty right now. I hope you feel guilty.

When it rains...

2009-08-26T17:34:00.001-07:00

Jaden is not an overly cuddly child. Trying to get him to cuddle is somewhat akin to trying to snuggle with an octopus. A wet octopus. This child rarely sits still. Everyone who meets him calls him "busy." I'm not going to argue.

He does know what it means to gives hugs and kisses, and will do so on command...if requested by his father. Dustin receives hugs and kisses on call. Frequently. Especially right before bed. Lots of love for daddy.

Before naptime I sometimes get a hug, sometimes not. He sometimes will kiss my hand or my shoulder, but sometimes he's really just trying to bite but knows that's not a good idea. So he stops short and I call it a kiss.

But today Jaden forgot all of the rules. Perhaps it was because we were in a movie rental store/tanning salon. Maybe it was because I had "Girl Interrupted" in my hot hands ready to check out. Maybe he really wanted to let the boy in line next to us know to whom I belonged. Whatever it was, Jaden kissed me. Not once, not twice, but FIVE times. And he didn't just give me a sweet peck, these were full-on open-mouthed slobbery kisses straight on (or in?) my mouth.

I'll take what I can get.

Armed for Battle

2009-08-20T09:58:00.001-07:00

Today's mission: Acquire a Social Security Number for Jaden

Required Documents:

Application Form
Travel Visa from Korea
Green Card
Certified Copy of Adoption Decree
Jaden's Passport
Jaden's Birth Certificate
Allison's Passport
Dustin's Passport

Destination: The nearest (40 minute drive) Social Security Administration building.

Summary of Anticipated Events: Based upon prior experiences with government agencies (and we've had our fair share) I fully expected to show up to a less than friendly environment. I had hoped to wait to be called to a window for about 45 minutes in which time I could wrestle with Jaden in a cramped room with strangers glaring at us the whole time. When finally called up to meet with the Super Friendly Person at the counter, I really wished they would tell me that while I had all of the documents listed above, that I still needed a stool sample from Jaden taken 24 hours before arriving in the United States. She would tell me that this requirement was clearly marked in Subsection X on page 32 of the instruction booklet. Then, the SF Person would "smile" at me and tell me to come back when I was fully prepared. I would then collapse into tears of frustration, leave my purse at the counter and not realize it until three days later when I wanted to buy bananas at the grocery store. Needless to say, I was prepared for the worst.

Summary of Actual Events: We (Dustin, Jaden and I) arrived at the office and the security officers joked with us as we went through the metal dectectors. This meant, right away, that some of the staff at this agency had a sense of humor. We were off to a good start. We signed in electronically and were called to a window within 5 minutes of arriving. The woman who helped me was unbelievably cordial, and complimented me on my preparedness. She even said, "This all looks really good." She processed the paperwork within 10 minutes, in which time she even spared a few moments for a little banter about parenting. In the end, she gave us all of the precious paperwork back and said Jaden would have a card within 2 weeks. On top of all of this, she didn't ask for any money. I practically skipped out of the agency (with my purse) and came very close to hugging the security officer on the way out (who told ANOTHER joke as we left.)

Either we entered a parallel universe this morning, or the Social Security Administration is the most efficient government agency we have in the US right now. You be the judge.

Mission accomplished.

Growing Up

2009-08-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

Apparently it isn't a cakewalk to be 16 months old.

Each day there are challenges. The challenge of standing on your tiptoes to try to open doors to go outside, and to not be able to turn the handle. The challenge of having to eat (or not eat) whatever is put in front of you with zero input of your own. The challenge of having to lie still while your mom changes your dirty diapers. The challenge of wanting to say so much, but being able to say so little. The challenge of wanting to be away from your mom and dad, but wanting them to be close at all times. The challenge of walking when the slightest breeze could lead you to an intimate date with concrete. The challenge of three (or four?) new teeth making their presence known simultaneously.

Many times a day, these challenges lead to tears. Big, elephant tears of confusion and frustration. It is so much fun to be bigger, faster, and more capable of doing things independently. It is so hard to realize the countless limitations that are still there.

From a mom's perspective I think this is kind of how it feels to be 16 months old. Considering this is our first child, I'm pretty sure some of my observations and assumptions are the opposite of the truth. However, I can almost feel Jaden's growing pains right now. It hurts a little for us both.

Not who you are looking for

2009-08-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

Not Ali. Teresa.

For reasons that are probably understandable, my creativity is at an all-time low. I don't think I could crank out Dick & Jane at this point in my summer. So I gave my sister the keys to my place, and she posted over there today. In between wiping my kid's nose and playing Wii Sports Resort with my Big Kids. So go see her there.

Really, go.

Fair Time

2009-08-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

At 4 pm yesterday we went to the local county fair. At 5:07 we left said fair.

Me: "Did you get your $10 worth?"

Dustin: "Yup."

Never fear -- we did the rounds. We saw the camel, the miniature horses, the geese, the ducks, the llamas, and the random African animals in the petting zoo. We each ate a corn dog. Our shoes stunk of animal dung. We were duly impressed by the midway and vowed never to let Jaden to ride on 90% of the rides there.

Then we went home and had some vegetables to chase the corn dogs.

Dustin: "Do you think Jaden's old enough to watch the smash-up derby."

Me: "..."

And that will do until next year.

Corn: By the Numbers

2009-08-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

1 Sunday afternoon
1 naptime (for the toddler)
72 ears of corn

44 cups of corn

3 quarts of water
1 cup of sugar
12 teaspoons of salt

1 (or 2) marital "discussions"
4 phone calls to my parents to double-check on the next step(s)
20 one quart freezer bags of fresh sweet corn available all year long

Yum.

Lions, and Tigers, and ...Zebras!

2009-07-28T15:47:00.000-07:00

Put it on the calendar. Yesterday was our first trip to The Zoo. Regular readers (I'm sure there are thousands) may recall that my mom made an amazing animal quilt for Jaden's bedroom. Jaden talks to those animals every day in his special animal voice. This voice is very gentle -- to the point that it almost sounds like he is cooing. He made that same sound yesterday when he saw the zebra, the giraffe, the monkeys, the tiger, the lion, and on and on. Pretty cute.

In contrast (although equally as cute) my friend's kids had roars and growls for the big cats in particular. That seemed a little more appropriate for the animals that could eat us in a blink of an eye.

One more adorable and appropriate thing were the shoes worn by my friend's daughter. I guess he told her that it would be a good idea to wear tennis shoes to the zoo, but she snuck out of the house in her sparkle shoes -- little glittery flats. I think they were perfect.

All in all, it was a good day.

A Brief Moment

2009-07-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

Dustin stuck around this morning and prepared Jaden's breakfast. He went upstairs and changed the nasty morning diaper. He brought the warm and snuggly little worm to me in the kitchen. Jaden was still dressed in his onesie/pajamas. Then Dustin had to go to work. As he picked up his briefcase and gave Jaden a little kiss and hug Jaden said, clear as a bell, "Bye, Dada."

And that is how this Monday morning melted my heart.

The Morning Show

2009-07-24T15:12:00.000-07:00

For the entire summer we have had a visitor for breakfast. A goldfinch.* Who thinks he can perch on the plant by our dining room window that happens to be (much to his frustration) inside. Every morning he flies up to the window and pecks, and pecks and pecks. Of course Jaden finds this entertaining, but not soley because of the bird's antics. This bird has some competition for the bottom of the IQ totem pole...our cat. While the bird thinks he can get inside, our cat is bound determined that he can actually catch the bird through the window. Alan has a special meow which he reserves only for his pretend bird-catching moments that sounds eerily like a cackle. It is plain strange. So he sits on the window sill and cackles at the bird thinking he actually has a shot at a mouthful of feathers. The bird really doesn't seem bothered. Perhaps the glass pane is first on his lists of things to conquer before he takes on the ten pound gray rodent. Who knows. Regardless of it all, Jaden is mesmerized each day around 7 am by the show. TV be damned**, this is a much better way to spend our time each morning.

*Which happen to be the Iowa state bird. I used to think they were magical and that they cheered for Iowa because they are black and gold.
**at least until 9 am

Sunday C.O.P.*

2009-07-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

Dustin and I used to live Out West. It was no big deal to pack up on a Sunday morning, drive for less than an hour, and hike in the foothills of the Sierras for the better part of a day. None of this happened, of course, until after we had slept as much as we'd wanted, caught up on the news, and been properly caffeinated.

Now we live in the Midwest. And weekend mornings aren't quite what they used to be. I tell myself on Friday and Saturday nights that I will get! up! early! in order to have some pre-Jaden time with our coffee pot and some reading material. Without fail, I am still in bed when Jaden lets his desires known that it is time for him and his crib to part ways. From then, as with each weekday, it is game-on for this toddler. He knows nothing of "relaxing" weekend mornings vs. the standard chaos of weekday mornings. In fact, weekends are twice the fun because both mom and dad are there for the taking.

Yesterday we took the bull by the horns and decided to take an hour drive to do what we used to do -- hike. And -- aside from the screaming in the car, the mosquitoes, the extra 30 pounds on Dustin's back, and the distinct lack of mountains -- it was just like old times.

*Change Of Pace. As named by the husband.

Bottles Suck

2009-07-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

(I wrote this last week, and then the vacation/staycation occurred, and now I'm getting around to publishing this.)

This kind of hurts.

Jaden just had his last bottle. He will be 15 months old soon. He has been drinking out of a sippy cup since he was 11 months old. Still, we (I) kept his bedtime bottle. Feeding Jaden a bottle is one of the greatest privileges I've had as his parent (and I'm not just saying this to be overly saptastic.) It made him happy, still, content and cuddly each time he had one. It made me feel closer to him than any other time of day. When we first met he had a bottle five times a day, with once being at 2 am. Then four, then three...you get the picture. Since he turned a year old it has only been one bottle...just before bed...in the rocking chair...with me (almost exclusively.) Now it is none.

I would have let him keep it for a while longer, but he doesn't want it. He is done and I need to listen. I missed 8 months of bottle-feeding Jaden. That makes me very sad. I really grieve not knowing Jaden as a young infant. I don't know what else to say. There is no way around this with the Korean-American adoption system. The wait from referral time to travel time keeps getting longer, and our next child will likely be nearly a year old when we go to meet him/her. When we went through pre-adoption classes we did some exercises on the grief and loss surrounding adoption (including examples from birthparents, adoptive parents, and adopted children). Our class came up with many examples from our own perspectives. I clearly remember my contribution to the discussion was that I would miss my baby's infancy.

Upon becoming a parent I've become intimately familiar with the term bittersweet. My heart bursts with pride when Jaden meets milestones, but also breaks a little each time too. This one is a little harder than some others. But that is okay. I wouldn't trade it.

Dear Everyone

2009-07-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

There seems to be some sort of consensus amongst those who love my husband that he is still not getting enough potatoes in his life. This is despite the fact that I have had new resolve since becoming a parent to make more potatoes. While visiting my sister on our staycation she and her husband both voiced concerns. They proceeded to make garlic mashed potatoes for my birthday dinner (granted, it was with my blessing...I'm just really generous like that.) On our way home from my sister's we stayed at my parent's house for a night. They tried to send home about 15 pounds of new red potatoes and emphasized the need for poor Dustin to get some of them in his belly. We took home a bag full. As I write this those pototoes are on the stovetop (picture = evidence.) Dustin may or may not have just said, "Don't burn my damned potatoes," when I was busy typing this post. They may or may not be a little "crispy" which is beside the point. They are potatoes. From my parent's garden. With rosemary and garlic. And only Dustin will consume these tonight. So I am pretty much an awesome wife. And those who love Dustin can sleep a little more easily tonight.

Welcome Home!

2009-07-03T05:26:00.001-07:00

Dear Aunt Teresa,

I heard that you were in that place where there are no toys, few windows and no pantries to empty out each day. That must have been hard. I heard you got those pokey things put in your body, and that you still have a lot of questions about why your body does not feel very good right now. I heard that somehow you still are being funny and that you don't want a cat.

Beings that I'm 15 months old, I don't have much understanding of these grown-up things. But I do know that when I see you on Monday I would really like to get a big hug from you. I'd like to play with my cousins if that is alright with you. I know Caleb is bigger than me, so you may have to pick me up every now and again.

When I get old, I get the feeling from my mom that I will learn a lot from you. For now all I can offer you is some of my food (usually after I chew it) and a slobbery kiss on your shoulder. I hope this doesn't downplay how much you are loved by all in your life.

Your nephew

"Jaden ala Spaghetti"

2009-06-30T15:46:00.001-07:00

Chrysler Take Note

2009-06-27T07:51:00.000-07:00

Guess what the best selling car in the US happens to be? The Little Tikes Cozy Coupe sold 457,000 units in the US last year outselling the Toyota Camry, the Honda Accord and anything Chrysler is marketing these days. Our household has happily kept up with the Joneses on this one, albeit with a $20 vintage version from a local garage sale. I doubt Jaden can tell the difference. Let's hope for the same naivety when he turns sixteen.

Obsession

2009-06-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

My parents lost me once. Not in a mall, or a park, or at a fair. They lost me in their backyard. I'm not scarred from this incident because I can't remember it. I was still in diapers, barely walking, and I somehow escaped. I doubt they were really worried. It was the late 70s, we were in a town of less than 2000 people (of which my dad knew 2500), and our neighborhood was fast becoming my own personal playground. Within a few years of this incident I was welcome to toddle in and out of various houses within a couple of blocks of our own home. My favorite stomping grounds became the homes of Mrs. Bossart, Calvin and Ola, and Mr. Badger. They were all older -- with kids and grandkids of their own. But I was their neighbor and cute, and I let them know it.

Naturally when my parents lost me, they started looking in these various neighbors' yards for an inevitably naked-to-the-diaper toddler. They eventually found me. I was in Mr. Badger's strawberry patch happily helping myself to the season's crop. I crossed a street to satiate my need for fresh strawberries. Soon after my parents started growing strawberries in their own garden and since I can remember I helped "pick" them. Two in the mouth, one in the bowl...that was pretty much par for the course. I remember eagerily awaiting the arrival of the first strawberry of the season which I doubt I even offered to any other of my family members.

Now I have my own strawberry patch. This year, as I checked and checked for the first ripe berry, I would bring Jaden with me. When we finally found it, I shared it with him. The obsession has been passed down a generation. He cannot get enough. He mashes them off the plant in his chubby baby hands and stuffs them in his face faster than I stop him. And really, do I want to?

Putting Our Clothes Back On

2009-06-09T18:18:00.000-07:00

The human body is a miraculous thing. By "miraculous" I mean "beyond my comprehension." Kind of like the Intraweb and/or TV. Miracles are sacred. They should remain clothed and unquestioned.

Unfortunately when our son's miracle-laden body came down with a virus from the dark lord this past week, Dustin and I became much closer to cracking the code of the ins-and-outs (no pun intended) of the human gastro-intestinal system. I prefer things to be the other way. I like diapers, and onesies, and cute clothes...and blankets. I like all of these things to be clean, which would indicate nothing was wrong with my sweet baby boy. That's how I like my miracles wrapped up.

However life briefly took us a different direction, hence the pathetic picture above. The last week has entailed two visits to the ER, a one night stay in the hospital under contact precaution, two separate IV experiences, and a job that was definitely too big for even the hippo balloon.

Fortunately, Jaden's wonderous body has figured out a way to heal itself. Henceforth we reclaim the miracle that he is. Regardless, everyone gets an extra layer of underclothing before bed tonight.

More Balloons

2009-06-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, a pair of scissors was brandished and a birthday balloon was removed from its perch above Jaden’s high chair. (Note: This balloon had survived for nearly 2 months…is there a new element on the periodic table that I am unaware of?) For days after, Jaden would look up towards the heavens visibly wondering where in the heck his balloon had gone. Never fear, the post has been filled again. This time soaring above each meal is a great.big.giant.purple.hippo. Where did the hippo materialize from? The Emergency Room…of course.

Jaden got sick a few days ago. I’ll spare you the details. They aren’t pretty, but will probably be forever stained into the cream (great fabric choice) rocking chair in Jaden’s bedroom. This is our first encounter with mouth-exiting sickness, so my train of thought was not necessarily rational. I think the following scale sums it up nicely:

One sick: Yuck.
Two sick: Damn, not just a one-off. Call sister.
Three sick: WTF???? Call mom.
Four sick: Worry sets in.
Five-Nine sick: At what point do we call the doctor? Call sister again.
Ten sick: Call doctor.
Eleven sick: Go to ER.

We spent three hours with some of the nicest people on the planet. Evidence: They kindly suggested I leave the room when Jaden’s IV was being put in so I could be the “nice guy” afterwards. They wheeled in a DVD player so Jaden could “watch” Milo and Otis during our time there. They let Dustin pick out a ginormous balloon on our way out which elicited the faintest of smiles from little Jaden.

Since this episode things have been far from normal for Jaden. He has been running a fever, sleeping on my lap, watching Elmo Pets on repeat cycle, not playing one little bit, barely walking, and just generally lethargic. It is pretty scary to see. But, and I’m not joking about this, when we are attempting to get the least bit of food into his gullet I can still get him to smile by asking, “Where’s your balloon?”. It has returned, in all of its hippo glory.

Boat Repair Weekend

2009-05-27T11:20:00.001-07:00

Dustin's family has a Memorial Day tradition. It involves small engines, rocket-fuel, picnics, and paddle-boats.

Dustin's aunt and uncle live on an amazingly beautiful acreage with a lovely pond. There are romantic weeping willows surrounding the pond, beautiful flowers all around, and usually even a pony or two to complete the idyllic nature of this scene. This is where Dustin and I were married seven years ago. It really holds a special place in our hearts.

The first time I went to this place was on a Memorial Day weekend about ten years ago. What I experienced was nothing short of a rite of passage into his family. For about six hours I saw Dustin, his father, his uncle, and all other males present attempt to get model boats to shoot across the pond. In case you are wondering where the rocket fuel fits in -- I guess batteries are for losers in this competition. The object is to build the biggest, baddest boat, load it up with rocket fuel, launch it onto the beautiful pond, and embarrass one's competition. The men spend hours before this day each year putting together their boats. Some (I won't mention any names) even risk life and limb and end up in the ER the day before the races because of unfortunate run-ins with moving propellers. They spend more hours the day of the competition talking smack and tinkering some more with their boats. Sometimes the boats even make it onto the water for more than 5 seconds much to the utter joy of the audience attending the Boat Race Competition. When the boats die on the pond, the youngest/most naive apprentice is sent out in the paddle-boat to retrieve them.

While there is a plethora of boats, there are really no races at this event. Therefore this year the name was officially changed to "Boat Repair Weekend" to more accurately reflect the goings-on of the day(s). This year Jaden was a bit young to enter the competition of repairing a boat. But, on the drive home Dustin started talking about the boat he (and Jaden) will be getting/repairing for next year. I guess no matter what the name this is definitely a tradition worth keeping.

Hot Stuff

2009-05-19T18:17:00.001-07:00

Today was hot. Freakishly hot. Ninety-five degree hot. Baby wearing diaper only hot. Baby getting water dripped from sippy cup on top of head to keep him from bursting into flames hot. Let's hope it was so hot that he won't remember this game when he gets his milk in the morning.

Little People

2009-05-18T17:40:00.000-07:00

Jaden met his cousin Emma this past weekend. Both are one. Some brief observations:

Wagons built for two are MUCH more entertaining when used according to design.
Sleep comes more readily after floating around a fellow small person for a day.
When cousins come you get to eat hot dogs for dinner and donuts for breakfast. Awesome.
Girls = pink = cute.
Cousins are fun.

Final

2009-05-13T07:16:00.000-07:00

Put it on the books, Jaden's adoption has been finalized. This means he is granted all rights and privileges as if he were born an American citizen (aside from the whole becoming President thing.) I watched Jaden all day to see if he acted more "American", but there is nothing to report. His diaper didn't all of a sudden have an American flag on it, he did not start spontaneously singing the Star Spangled Banner, he did not go out and buy a Hummer, and he did not eat at McDonald's for three meals in a row.

Regardless, we have officially become a Korean-American family in the eyes of the law. We were, without a doubt, the happiest people in that courtroom yesterday morning. It was a good day.

Firsts

2009-05-07T13:13:00.001-07:00

Since Jaden's first birthday there has been a bit of a lull in the storm of constant milestones being reached. I was pretty sure that his driver's license was next on the list and felt a little melancholy for a few days.

Then we had our first trip to urgent care. Our first prescription for antibiotics. Our first phone call from the doctor saying "well, you really don't need to give him those." We're in the process of experiencing our first extended stay away from home and away from dad. On our road trip together (mom, Jaden and the pup) he had his first McDonald's cheeseburger. Yesterday I experienced my first near heart-attack as Jaden had a run-in with a set of stairs. The stairs won. Now, he has his first rug burn on his forehead that elicits any number of knowing comments from complete strangers about how busy little one-year-olds are. For the first time today, Jaden went without a morning nap. Tonight he will eat his first vegetables out of his grandparents' garden. On Sunday we will have our first Mother's Day together. And then, more importantly, this upcoming week our family will have another wonderful first. We will go to the local county courthouse and officially finalize Jaden's adoption.

Lesson learned. I can sigh with relief to know that there is no reprieve from change and milestones. It seems they are part of the parenting package.

Sleep Revisited

2009-04-24T12:10:00.001-07:00

This post is kind of like a game...can you figure out what is wrong with the picture above by the end of my ramblings? The prize...I will leave your answering machine message like Will Shortz does. Maybe I'll even sing it, which would be awesome. You would definitely be the envy of all of your friends.

More than two months after my original sleep post it is time for an update.

Jaden sleeps from 7:30 pm to 7:00 am every night. By himself. He has done this since the middle of March. He sleeps by himself because it became too much fun to sleep with me. Dustin left on a business trip for a couple of nights in March, and Jaden decided that the middle of the night would be the perfect time to play, crawl, bounce, and poke at my belly button. I decided that was not ideal. There were about three Really Rough Nights where I checked on Jaden in regular intervals while he protested being in his crib alone. But once the transition was over he has never looked back. Although I really did enjoy having that time of co-sleeping (not-so-much the co-playing), I have also thoroughly enjoyed getting sleep at night in my own bed. In retrospect it really didn't take that long for Jaden to sleep "through the night", but it certainly felt like an eternity when we were going through the experience. As usual there seems to be a larger lesson to be learned in that statement.

Last night marked a milestone. I entered into Jaden's room after he had gone to bed to check on him. I've been too scared to do this up until now. What if I woke him up? Would he go back to sleep? My worry about a rash on his mouth superseded my worry about him going back to sleep, so I tiptoed in to listen to him breathe. Call me crazy...I'm really not bothered. By the way, he didn't wake up. He was perfectly snuggled up on top of his blankets in a deep, deep sleep.

From what I've read and heard, the next sleep regression for infants/toddlers comes when they get their first molars. Guess what my best guess is for the rash around his mouth?

Yes, the answer to the puzzle is that after baby-proofing the ENTIRE house we failed to put outlet covers on the exposed plug right behind our baby's crib. Seriously. Let me know your phone number for the special prize if you are so inclined. I truly am an excellent singer.

Almost Famous

2009-04-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

I picked up the proofs today. Some are of our family, some are of Jaden in his hanbok. The photographer casually handed me the portfolio of her favorites during my brief stop at her studio. She was explaining something about a deposit, but I stopped listening as I started crying. Seriously, does this ever stop? These are our first family photos, and they made my heart ache with happiness. Of course I can't post her work up here, but she did put a couple of Jaden up on her website. Enjoy -- I certainly did.

Insert Foot Here

2009-04-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

Throughout the pre-adoption and adoption process we have often talked about, read about and discussed how to respond to socially awkward and even inappropriate queries/statements about our interracial/adoptive family. While ready, I can honestly say that no one has even registered on the "did you really say that?" meter since we were in Korea. I wish I could say the same about myself.

Two nights ago we were enjoying unseasonably warm weather and decided to make this spring's virgin ice-cream cone run before Jaden's bathtime. As I was perusing my choices (tough one between Mint Chocolate Chip and Butterfinger Blast) I noticed that we were getting stared at by a late-forty-year-old-looking woman. This is something we are getting used to and it does not offend me. Dustin and I look slightly different than our son. I get that. So a lot of people do double-takes. No problem. Most people stop at that point. Some move on to ask questions. Usually I answer them happily as I love to talk about Jaden. Well, after I was served my cone (Butterfinger Blast won) and was corralling Jaden to prevent him from putting his tongue in a fan, the woman broke out her wallet and said, "I have to show you my two." Before my brain even registered that she was flipping to two pictures of Korean-American teenage girls, I said..."your grandkids?". My voice was sickly sweet, I was ready to connect with another adoptive family and talk about our stories...and I spoke before I looked. She looked back at me and in that condescending tone you reserve only for absolute nimrods who say things that no one in their right social mind would say she said, "No, my daughters."

Well done, Ali. Score one for the insensitive team. I believe we had a short conversation afterwards, but I could tell I was holding her hostage. She probably wanted to get home to blog about the reject she met at the ice cream parlor. Karma dictates that someone gets a freebie in the near future.

New Traditions

2009-04-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

The birthday has come and gone. It was more of a "birthday week" than a "birthday day" if I'm going to be honest. Even now, almost a week after, we still have a gigantic balloon that refuses to lose helium and a few decorations roaming about.

Aside from eating good food, hanging out with grandparents and friends, and enjoying some decent weather for a change we did a couple of other things to celebrate the event. To honor Jaden's Korean heritage we went to an excellent restaurant not too far from where we live where we were served this food.

It was excellent. But even better was all of the attention Jaden received from the owner, waitstaff and patrons. We gave him bites of everything and he gobbled it back. He only refused one thing which promptly landed on the floor after he sniffed at it. Yes, it was kimchee. I think it's fair to say that is the equivalent of an Iowan hating potatoes.

Before leaving for the restaurant we had a photo shoot in our basement of Jaden in his hanbok. This beautiful outfit was a shower gift from dear friends. While he only had it on for thirty minutes or so, I'm so thankful for these photos. It was such good fun watching him squirrel around in satin pants while playing with his toys.

Finally, as is tradition, before we opened presents we set up a series of symbolic items on a table. These items were supposed to represent different life paths for Jaden. We had set out a mouse (computer geek), money (banker), cooking spoon (chef), golf ball (Tiger Woods), football (Payton Manning), and a few other random items. Jaden quickly dove for the spoon, and secondarily fiddled with the mouse. Therefore, it is predicted that he will be chef with technological prowess. *Bam!*

The birthday series will come to a close once I convince someone to send me a photo of the cake, as I failed to record it on my camera for posterity.

I'm One!

2009-04-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

Birthdays

2009-04-06T04:44:00.000-07:00

I believe ninety percent of adoptive parenting is universal to parenting; ten percent is not.

This week Jaden turns one. Another milestone amidst what seems to have been daily moments of change. There has been no shortage of birthday preparation, and we eagerly await the arrival of both sets of grandparents for a weekend party. On his birthday we are going to a local Korean restaurant. We are going to get him a balloon. We will have professional pictures taken of Jaden in his hanbok (assuming I figure out how to wrangle him into the outfit), as well as our first family portrait. There will be homemade carrot cake with lots of frosting, and new toys to make my living room even more carnival-like than it already has become. I am so excited. I know this may be a first-time parent thing, to have this much anticipation surrounding an event my child will never remember. I don't really care.

My happiness about his upcoming birthday is not all that is on my mind. A year ago, Jaden's first mother was nearly ready to meet her son. She went to the hospital, she gave birth to him and she had to say good-bye to him shortly thereafter. As I've stated before, I cannot speculate about her circumstances as I think it only serves to romanticize or trivialize what was undoubtedly a situation that few can understand. Despite that, I think it is safe to say she is thinking of Jaden this week as much as we are. Recently I wrote her a letter. It is part of the post-adoptive process to do so through our agency. I told her what a beautiful baby boy her son, our son, is. I told her he has a perfect little face and smile, and that he is growing very well. I told her that it is impossible to be in the same room with him for over a few minutes without catching his contagiously happy personality. I told her that he is walking, and eating, and doing all of the things that babies turning into toddlers are supposed to do. I told her that I think of her often, and that our lives are forever connected through this amazing boy who has changed our lives so fundamentally. I told her the love we have for Jaden is of a kind I never knew.

I cannot predict the future relationship Jaden will have with his first mother. I know I will always keep open communication with him about as much as we know. On his first birthday, as with all of the rest, we are celebrating his birth and, naturally, his first mother. This is the difference with adoptive parenting. I did not conceive Jaden, I did not birth him, and therefore his birthday is not a celebration of that memory as it is in part to so many biological mothers. It doesn't mean that I am not in awe of the miraculous nature of his life. It doesn't mean that we don’t celebrate all that he has been, is, and will be. It just means that there is more than one mother’s love with Jaden on this day and every day in his life. He deserves to know that.

Part Two

2009-04-03T17:14:00.000-07:00

It was two nights later and the parents had chuckled repeatedly over the mishap in the bathtub. They figured that every parent has a similar story, and had even recorded theirs in writing for posterity.

After the boy's bath on this night, the parents were watching him toddle around his room bare-bottomed as they did every night. For a few minutes each evening the wee lad had an opportunity to squirmel around as god made him, much to the amusement of anyone in attendance. This night, the boy stopped in mid-play and made an eerily familiar noise with an equally as familiar body stance. "He's peeing" said the dad. "He seems to be working hard at it" replied the mom. As she lifted him when he was through to delinquently transfer him to a diaper she was forced to stop as something dropped from the boy's backside. "What is that?" asked the father in shock. Does it go without saying what had appeared? But of course it was more from the bowels of the babe. After discarding the aforementioned poo the father was perhaps a bit out of sorts. He returned to the bedroom with a bottle of Pet Stain and Odor Remover (!) for the spot of urine.

Aside from the formal tone of this story, the rest is 100% true to fact. The parents are eagerly awaiting "Part Three" which will hopefully occur in the doctor's office for the boy's one-year appointment next week.

Mr. Hanky

2009-04-03T06:13:00.001-07:00

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

A mom and dad adoringly watch their son play in the tub. It is a nightly ritual. There are duckies and Johnson & Johnson bathing products. The dad usually sings funny songs while the son splashes enough water outside the tub to constitute a shower for the father. The watching of the water go down the drain is the highlight of the show. Sometimes (read ~450 times/bath) the son doesn't sit down appropriately and needs to be redirected.

Once when the son was standing the father looked at the mother and said, "Oh, he is peeing." The mother said, "He looks like he is working pretty hard on that pee." They both laughed and prepared to rescue the child from the urine-infested waters. As the father positioned the towel and lifted the boy, the mother looked into the tub as a wave of shock passed over her face. "Look!" she cried. "What?" said the dad. Located perfectly in a Tupperware container used to cleanse the child's hair was a well formed piece of excrement. The last words muttered were "Where did that come from?".

Entering Toddlerhood

2009-03-30T16:20:00.001-07:00

We have another week and half before the Great Big Birthday Celebration. We do not have another week and half before Jaden becomes a toddler. Does it make me happy? Yes. Proud? Of course. Scared? You better believe it. Sad? A little.

When he took his first steps about a month ago he cried when he reached me (after 3 steps) because it was so scary. Now he squeals with delight as he shimmy-shakes across the floor. I think there is a greater lesson here, but I don't know that I'm ready to decipher it.

My heart hurts in a really good way tonight.

Roadtrip

2009-03-26T08:00:00.001-07:00

We did it. We left the state. And it was enjoyable. Whew.

Let me be clear, I know I worry too much about things. I know that I am an over-planner. I know that I tend to be a perfectionist. I know that these things don't necessarily coincide with effective parenting.

After being back from Korea for three months, we decided to take Jaden on a five-hour drive to see my parents and stay for two nights. My sister and her family were going to come as well. It had potential to be very fun for all involved.

But, here was my vision: A car ride full of screaming, crying, and despair on Jaden's part which would have translated into me pulling off the road in the middle of Iowa to let him play with pigs every ten minutes to satiate his need to see SOMETHING besides open prairie and semi trucks. I was anticipating two nights of sleeplessness akin to what we experienced upon first arriving back home. I was convinced that Jaden would have an episode of massive sleep regression. I was fully prepared to survive on 3 hours of sleep. I envisioned surviving the weekend, enjoying seeing my parents and sister's family, and then getting home and collapsing for 48 hours. I went so far as to clear my pathetic social calendar on Monday to allow for recovery time.

In reality, everything was fine. I know this is shocking. It did take an extra hour to get to our destination, because fast food isn't so fast with an 11-month old. But Jaden was perfectly content in the car. He slept, he played, he "talked"...kind of like he does everyday. He slept fine both nights in the attic bedroom. His cousins properly exhausted him, and he napped like a champ as well. He got to play outside because my parents don't live in the frozen tundra like we do. It was in the mid-60s on Saturday and Jaden went outside for the first time without a coat and hat. He was mesmerized by this thing on the ground...grass. Honestly, are we damaging him by living so far north? That is beside the point. He was fine.
Have I learned my lesson? We'll see. The next challenge is getting the nerve to leave the house for *gasp*date night (or afternoon coffee?) with my husband...alone.

Before and After

2009-03-19T07:56:00.001-07:00

I couldn't resist. Spring has sprung and Chuckles needed a tune up for the outdoor weather. He had a morning at the dog-spa known as "Diva Dog" in these parts. By the way, you can't see it, but in the second picture he is wearing a pink bandana with puppy dogs on it. I can't make this stuff up.

A boy and his dog

2009-03-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

Our "child" before our child was our dog. His name is Charlie (Charles, Chuck, Chuckles, etc.) He is a Golden Doodle (go ahead, laugh...everyone else does at the name of this breed.) We love him quite a bit. Charlie is somewhat large. He weighed in at about 75 lbs. at his last appointment. Some (his "aunt") call him the "amazing horse dog." Whatever. We were a bit worried about introducing a 20 lb. baby to such a large creature. Since the first day, Jaden hasn't had one bit of hesitation in his dealings with Charlie. Shouldn't he? I think I would be scared if a giant muppet were all of a sudden introduced into my life at 8 months of age. Or, maybe, I would be just really excited. Jaden chose the latter route.

Charlie tolerates the child. It's hard on the dog, you know? All of sudden another quadriped (at least for a few more weeks) is zipping around putting his hands in your food, trying to chew on your bones, and monopolizing your parent's time. And, when you try to retaliate by, say, taking one of the new one's toys, what happens? You get scolded and ignored. So, Charlie's adjustment is taking a little longer than Jaden's in this budding new relationship. I'm willing to bet, by the time Jaden is toddling around in the backyard, that he won't have a better friend than Snuffleupagus, I mean, Charlie.

Irony

2009-03-07T11:51:00.000-08:00

After countless hours of sleepless nights, even more hours reading about infant sleep, even more hours talking with people about infant sleep and the most hours just thinking about the beauty of one solid night of sleep...guess what Jaden's favorite game to play during the day happens to be? In the highchair, while climbing stairs, just after drinking a bottle, in mid-crawl, heck in mid-cruise along the wall...no time is NOT a good time to play this game except for 2 am.

Things that work

2009-03-01T10:21:00.001-08:00

Our family has been together a little over two months now. Jaden and I stay at home, which means I'm in charge of meals, changings, entertainment, consoling, aerobics, fire safety, and general maintenance. Jaden isn't quite ready to take on these responsiblities just yet. However, these are a few things that work so far which make our days go by a little more smoothly. Ultimately, the more often we see the happiness he exudes in this picture the better off we all are.

(If I have any strength, I think it is that of self-deprecation so please don't read this thinking that I fancy myself as some sort of expert. I most certainly do NOT.)

1. Things with wheels. Big wagons, small cars, battery-powered trains that shoot balls in the air; these can all be found on my living room floor. Simultaneously.

2. CDs by "They Might Be Giants" (kids versions). I think Dustin and I may be more entertained by the lyrics, but Jaden digs the tunes. (Thanks, Teresa!)

3. Cloth diapers -- Bum Genius 3.0. No diaper rash. Rarely a blow out. Once I figured out how to make the ammonia stink go away, I've been very impressed.

4. Baby Mozart DVD. I am not above putting this in once, twice, or however many times on a bad teething day. It is referred to as "baby crack" in our home because of the scary amount of attention Jaden pays to these images.

5. Puppets. Once, Jaden was crying in the car. I got in the backseat and pulled out all of my tricks. Finally, I made my hand "talk". This killed Jaden. The Baby Einstein puppets from the aforementioned video are worthy of jaw-dropping gazing and amazement. But, in case you were wondering, we won't be purchasing them. They retail for approximately a bajillion dollars. I think a sock will suffice in the future.

6. Dads. 5:00 pm is a good time.

7. Pets. While I am a good face to wake up next to (according to the wee one), the pets get squeals almost every morning. The cat can put off breakfast for a good 5 minutes. Funny thing is, Jaden never catches it.

8. Baby sweatpants. Snap crotches and baby blue jeans are highly overrated.

9. Shoestrings, strings and straps. While not approved by the American Pediatric Society, they have provided much entertainment for Jaden. I swear we try to avoid these objects, but he is kind of naturally obsessed with things of this nature. When I'm sleep deprived, I put on my sweatshirt with a hood/string tie. When I knit, I give him a ball of yarn to play with by himself. He loves it.

10. Pantries. Fifteen minutes can go by in the blink of the eye when a can of Sprite and a box of penne pasta are there.

11. Baths. Great fun. Drinking the bathwater? Greater fun. I really hope he defies the conventional wisdom that all babies pee upon hitting the water.

12. Sandra Boynton board books. The crowd favorite is "The Belly Button Book", but I'm also a big fan of "Snuggle Puppy". I think Sandra and I may be soul mates.

That's all for now. I doubt this list remains the same for very long. We will enjoy the simplicity of his pleasures while they last and before they require microchips.

Confessions of a Spud Hater

2009-02-24T13:25:00.000-08:00

I've recently made myself reacquainted with a long-lost enemy: the potato. As of now, the potato-eaters in my household outnumber the potato-haters (namely, me). So, I have decided to take the plunge and begin making potatoes for meals.

You may be asking yourself, how does a young lass born in Iowa grow up not eating potatoes? This is the million-dollar (or 3 cent) question to which no one in my family has the answer. It has become a piece of folklore with my parents who claim that upon learning how to speak, I simple said "no" whenever offered the offending root vegetable. Granted, I said "no" to about 75% of food that crossed my path until I moved to Japan in my early 20s. Then, faced with the alternative of starvation, I figured out how eat most everything. Unless you've lived and/or traveled in an Asian nation, you may not understand that universality of that statement. I drew the line at raw horse and fermented soybeans. I knew it was time to come home when I no longer was phased by eating the beady eyes of little shrimp. When I did come home with a new found appreciation for all types of cuisine, I still could not suck down a potato.

Then, I got married. I love my husband dearly. I enjoy attempting to make him decent meals on a regular basis. But, after many years of marriage, those meals have categorically never contained potatoes. I am damaged goods. He still loves me.

Now we have a young son whom all of our habits, good and bad, will be imprinted upon. I committed to Dustin to not pass on my hatred towards the potato. It started on Valentine's Day. Dustin and I had a steak dinner after Jaden had gone to bed. I tried my hand at garlic-mashed potatoes. Having no idea how to make such a concoction, I just went with what sounded sensible. I tossed a few potatoes in the oven for a long time, took out their middles when they were soft, and mashed them with cream and garlic and salt. He choked them down. I have no idea what they tasted like.

With my apprenticeship over, I have moved on to my next (and more vulnerable) subject. Yesterday I baked both regular and sweet potatoes for Jaden. They are now stored safely in my refrigerator, and will soon be in his belly. I will serve them to him with the same gusto as I do bananas and other less tragic foods.

I fully understand that soon enough I will start putting potatoes on my plate to set a good example. If I'm going to torment my child with my own psychosis I really want it to be over something slightly more serious than potatoes.

No one told me parenting required such sacrifice.

Disclaimer: French fries (thin ones, like McDonald's style), and potato chips do not count as potatoes. I think we can all agree that once any substance is fried enough it tastes delicious.

Addendum: After my mom read this post she made sure to tell me that I had cooked the pictured potatoes within an inch of their lives. She wondered if anything edible had been left. I guess I still have some work to do. *sigh*

First Swim

2009-02-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

First, there was fear.Then, trepidation. Bravery reared its head.And, finally, the pool was conquered.

Love

2009-02-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

Sleep

2009-02-13T07:02:00.000-08:00

This is it. The only picture I have over the past two months of Jaden sleeping. It was taken on the plane ride home. That was almost two months ago. I want more. There is nothing that pulls on my heart more than seeing him with his butt up in the air, his thumb in his mouth, in the glorious state of sleep. But, I'm scared. It isn't worth it. What if he...wakes up? It's not worth the risk right now. Maybe later.

I've debated whether or not to blog on the topic of sleep. It seems like most parents and non-parents seem to think "duh...that's just parenting" whenever I broach the topic. I guess I didn't get it. Those close to me know I wrestled for weeks to try and figure out how to get Jaden to sleep through the night in his crib. And then, two weeks ago, I gave up. I threw in the towel. I quit. Here was our life preceding said moment.

7-8 pm Bedtime
Sometime between 11 and 1 First wake-up. Rock to sleep. Put back in crib.
15 to 45 minutes later Next wake up. Rock to sleep. Put back in crib. Pray.
5 to 30 minutes later Next wake up. Walk to sleep. Go and tell spouse how frustrated you are. Put back in crib. Pray. Eat a cookie to keep blood-sugar up during wee hours.
Repeat until around 5 am.
7 am Wake up.

Ick. Yes, I've read the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child which told me I'm reinforcing his crying by picking him up. We went to a doctor who specializes in international adoption who told us that we would not hurt Jaden emotionally if we let him cry-it-out as long as he knew we were still there. (She told us to wave at him from across the room. Really.) We tried that for three nights, not waving but laying next to his crib on a mattress. He certainly held up his end of the bargain by crying. Incessantly. That sucked (understatement). So, I read the No-Cry Sleep Solution which gave me a step-by-step method to get Jaden to sleep in his crib by himself with no crying. Albeit, the proposed plan would take a few months. I posted on an international adoption website looking for ideas. I spoke with my parents and sister and discussed this topic ad naseum. And then, I stopped. I no longer filled out sleep logs; I stopped obsessing about the number of hours Jaden was sleeping in a 24-hour cycle. I asked my husband if it was okay if we just gave up for a while. He, mercifully, said yes.

About an hour before I made the decision to bag it, I had a "sleep plan" ready from the Pantley book. I was going to type it up, post it on my mirror and implement it in my typical Type-A fashion. At some point I spoke with my sister and I think she asked me an intriguing question like "why?". I had an answer then. I'm not sure what it was. But after I hung up with her I started to think. "Why?" Who says this little boy who has been with us for less than two months has to make it 10-12 hours in his crib, by himself, without us there to parent him? Why does he have to know how to "sleep through the night"? (which, by the way, is only defined as something silly like 5 hours in a row so I guess by midnight he has officially slept through night.) Why shouldn't we be there to comfort him when he is scared and lonely and help him learn how to fall back asleep in a safe and loving environment?

This may seem more than obvious to many, and some of you may have checked the "neurotic" box and stopped reading this by now. But, this was a huge epiphany for me in my parenting journey. Perfection is a myth. One-size-fits-all is ridiculous. And one day, one week, one month does not a lifetime make.

So now, this is what most nights are like.

7-8pm Bedtime.
Between 11 and 1am. First wake up. Dustin goes and sleeps with Jaden on a mattress by his crib.
Between 2 and 3 Ali relieves Dustin.
7 am Wake-up.

That's it. Most nights there are no tears on anyone's part. Most days we all wake up rested. It feels so good. However, I still am too gun-shy to snap a photo at 2am of Dustin and Jaden cuddling together on the floor of Jaden's room. That just seems silly.

Step by step...

2009-02-07T10:47:00.000-08:00

Meow.

2009-02-03T07:38:00.000-08:00

Here are some things Jaden is particularly good at doing:

eating Cheerios

laughing hysterically around bathtime
crawling
napping

In respect to the last item, note that I did not say sleeping at night. No, these are two different items indeed. But he is a rock-star napper. At 9:10 am Jaden yawned and we went upstairs to take a nap. I hugged him, kissed him, kissed his blanket (much to his delight) and laid him in his crib. No tears, no drama. He was content. I listened to him babble on the baby monitor while I filled out some paperwork downstairs. After about 20 minutes I started wonder why he hadn't drifted off to sleep. His babbling was a little more consistent than usual, like he was actually talking with someone/thing. His toys? His crib? His sweatshirt? And then, I heard it. "Meow." Dear god, the cat-who-shall-not-be-named had surreptitiously entered the baby room and gotten stuck upon my exit. Undoubtedly Jaden had been beside himself with excitement watching the cat do goodness knows what around the room. This is the same cat who categorically hates children and promptly peed on the guest bedroom comforter when my nephew (age 1.5 at the time) came to visit us in California. To give him some credit, he has been fairly tolerant of Jaden. But he has never been in close confines with him either. Until today. I don't want to know what happened in those 25 minutes. But now, it is 9:45 and Jaden is asleep.

Update

2009-01-23T13:07:00.000-08:00

It's been a big couple of days on the adoption front. The line between parenting and adopting is very, very blurred right now as 99% of our day is spent focusing on eating, sleeping, pooping and playing. In the back of my blurry frontal lobe I had some vague recollection that we still had more paperwork to do. Yesterday our social worker came out for our first post-placement meeting to indeed remind us that we need to fill out our name and send in more money to approximately six more government agencies. Excellent.

Just so you know, when our social worker did his first home visit back in April it was preceded by three days of deep-cleaning of our house. I also took the time to make a carrot cake from scratch including cream cheese frosting with real vanilla beans. The whole process took about three hours. It was worth it. God, I loved that cake.

This time around I vacuumed the middle of the floors on the main level of the house and made sure that Jaden's changing table didn't have feces on it (not joking...). I thought that was enough for us to be in the clear. How times have changed.

For those interested we have several steps left in the adoption process. We need to finalize the adoption in our state's court system which allows us to apply for a birth certificate for Jaden. We will then apply for a passport and a social security number. Finally, we will apply for a Certificate of Citizenship. After all of that -- Jaden should be able to pay taxes, register for the draft and begin the process of identity protection. Thank goodness. How long will all of this take? A year or more. Honestly. But, really, what else do we have to do?

We also went to the Place that Pokes Babies today. Yes, another doctor's visit. This time it was to a place that specializes in international adoptions. Jaden is nearly 21 pounds now thanks to his love affair with all things edible. He has popped four new teeth in the past week as well. But, the big event was the blood draw. I never really need to hear that cry again. Ever.

We are all back home now. Jaden is sleeping in his crib dreaming about Cheerios and wheels, Dustin is conducting a very official phone call in the office and I am ready to take a nap. After I fold some diapers, clean some bottles and contact our local immigration office.

A Happy Day

2009-01-20T16:42:00.001-08:00

I woke up this morning and tried to remember why I didn't care that I have been sleep deprived for the past 30 days. Then, I looked in Jaden's crib and saw him scrunched up in the corner sleeping soundly -- my heart stopped just for a second as it always does. I also remembered that at 11:00 am Barack Obama would become our new President. What a day.

As I look into my son's face and think about our interracial family, I am beyond inspired by this new man who understands race better than any contempory figure I've been familiar with in this transformative era. All of the pundits and people smarter than myself have made the necessary comments upon the historic nature of this presidency. I would simply like to add that I am proud to be an American and proud to be the mother of a Asian-American child on this day.

Dear Dad

2009-01-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

I know it has almost been a month now since we've first met. I guess I wanted to let you know a few of my favorite things. First, I love it when you make funny faces at me and make me laugh. I also really like bathtime (don't tell mommy, but you are the better singer...). It is really fun when you come home from work, I like to give you hugs even if your face is so cold. It is also fun when you read books to me. I like your nicknames for everything -- like "Diaper Dino" and "Donnie Duck." It is really funny how you press the buttons on my toys just as much as I do. Who knew we had so much in common? I do know you get tired with me at night, but thank you for coming in and talking, holding, walking, rocking, and cuddling me when I am sad. I guess I really like just spending time with you doing just about anything. I'll miss you when you are gone for your business trip.

I love you dad.

Jaden

P.S. Bring me home something cool.

Ommahs and Oppahs

2009-01-06T13:26:00.000-08:00

My dad, keeper of all knowledge he has come across in his 69 years of life, heard me talking with Jaden about "ommah."

Dad: "Are you teaching him German already?"

Me "?" (Sidenote: I took 4 years of German in high school and couldn't remember these two basic vocabulary words. Yikes.)

To Jaden this word means "mom" and he lights up when I say it. But, he also lit up when he had both sets of grandparents visit over the holidays. He is a little skittish around strangers, and can take a bit to warm up. But, he literally flew into the arms of (German here) "oma" and "opa" from both sides. My dad claims he went into his arms a bit quicker than into my mom's, but who's keeping score? He did jump into Dustin's father's arms before I had a chance to dress him (see photo).

I've been ready to parent for a while now (I'll spare you the details on exactly how long), but I didn't know how ready I was to introduce our son to his grandparents. The love they showed this little guy just made me burst with my own love, pride, happiness...enter any other fulfilling word here.

So, whether it be his "ommah and "oppah" or his "oma and opa" -- I'm pretty sure he won't get confused as to who loves him. That = all of us.

And a Happy New Year...

2009-01-01T12:57:00.000-08:00

Jaden's New Year's Resolutions:

1. Sleep.

2. Eat.

3. Play.

4. Use the "restroom".

5. Be cute.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T07:39:00.001-08:00

You've Come a Long Way...

2008-12-24T06:19:00.000-08:00

It's been a week. A week of firsts:

baths
doctor's visits (FYI = not fun)

meals

going to Target (this took 45 minute of prep on my part and I forgot a diaper bag)

smiles and laughs

outfits (some fit, some don't. Some are ridiculously cute.)

dirty diapers (some dirtier than others)

toys (Dustin perpetually sings the Cookie Jar song right now with his own grown-up lyrics)

exploring the house

meeting the dog

getting to know mom and dad
waiting for Santa (and/or grandmas and grandpas)

The sleeping is slowly working itself out a bit. The first few nights were Really Rough. The past two have been marginally better. But when I look at where little Jaden was a week ago, I'd say we couldn't ask for anything more.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Giggles = priceless!

2008-12-21T16:31:00.000-08:00

HomeSweetHome!

2008-12-20T06:50:00.000-08:00

We have talked to many of you already, and this post is a bit delayed, but we are home safe and sound. The weather in Chicago and some misplaced bags couldn't hold us down. Jaden was amazing the entire way! Thanks for all your kind words and support along the way!

We will be off the blog for a bit as we tend to some new duties! :) But, you know where to find us!

Almost home! In Chicago. Very sleepy... But all is well!

2008-12-19T10:06:00.000-08:00

Not Lost in Translation

2008-12-18T13:02:00.000-08:00

This is the last post from Korea. We've been here for only five days, it seems as if it has been longer. The waiting has been interminable but is finally at an end. We have a long plane ride ahead, and we will survive. It will be okay. Our family will come home.

What I'm really thinking about this morning is Jaden's foster mom. She is preparing Jaden for us this morning. Undoubtedly she is putting extra thought into his clothes, his carry-on items, his bath... Whenever we saw her with him and saw her sing songs, it was clear is that she loves this child to her core, and she will be incredibly sad to leave him. We were supposed to bring gifts for her to show our gratitude, but what gift can we give that says thank you for providing our son with a stable, loving environment for all of these months? I can only hope that our thoughts and words do not need translation either.

Until America then...

So, we meet again

2008-12-17T22:43:00.000-08:00

It was easier this time. He let us calm him, feed him and play with him. He went home for his last night with his foster mom. We will take him to the airport in the morning. We are undeniably, indisputably, irrevocably in love with this child.

Our Big Night Out

2008-12-17T12:20:00.000-08:00

Some brief reflections on yesterday:

1. We walked 3023 miles yesterday and took 45 different subway rides.

2. I got pretty "hangry" (word creator = Sara) at one point -- most of you who know me understand that this means that Dustin forgot to feed me every 2 hours and I almost fell down for the lack of food. Luckily, a 7-11 interceded with Coke at exactly the right moment. Had Coke not been found, I may have turned into a permanent fixture in Korean society -- hopefully with underpants on my new physique.

3. We had the best night we will have here in Seoul because we were able to meet with my cousin (Annie) and her boyfriend (Cole) -- pictured below. Both haved lived in Korea for over a year and work as English teachers. They hooked us up with good food, insights into Korean culture and found us a CD with Korean children's music. We had a great time.

4. Part of the Berlin Wall is here. Go figure.

5. Seoul is really pretty at night -- the Christmas lights are out in full style. Very romantic.

6. An a final picture to sum up the trip thus far...

...or something like that. :)

It is only 5 in the morning right now, though we both got the most sleep we have since arriving this past night. We are going to get things packed up here this morning, move over the guest house attached to our agency, and then meet Jaden again at 2 PM. The social worker will make the decision after our meeting whether to transfer custody then or wait until tomorrow morning as we get ready to leave for the airport. Yes, the "not knowing" isn't entirely fun -- but, we want to do what is best for Jaden. We'll update as soon as we know. I can't wait to see him again!

Day 3 - killing time

2008-12-16T21:17:00.000-08:00

(Dustin here... Ali makes me identify all my posts because she doesn't believe they are as good as hers and are filled with spelling errors. :) For those of you who are interested in continuing inspite of all that, below are some highlights of our travels so far on day 3 in Seoul. :)

Ali down below waiting for the Subway:

First stop was the Korean War Memorial. For this photo, the photographer was yelling, "give me deer in headlights! deer in headlights!!!" So, we did.

Enjoying a frosty Korean beverage before moving on to our next stop:

This was a brief trip across town at the beautiful Gyeongbokgung Palace that was constucted in 1395:

Here I am at another part of the same palace, also part of the National Folk Museum:

We had a traditional Korean lunch ("Bibimbap") at a wonderful cafe that was part of the national museum:

OK... next stop - TechnoMart! Now this might be one of the most amazing (modern) places I have seen since we have been here (Warren and my father might agree!). 10 floors of nothing but electronics - hundreds of different stores. unbeliveable!!

All for now. We are taking a quick rest and then off to more shopping and dinner with Ali's cousin! We are really looking forward to seeing her! Tomorrow (Thursday) we move from our hotel over to the agency guest house and spend more time with Jaden and prepare for our trip home on Friday morning!

Last Day Apart

2008-12-16T12:44:00.000-08:00

In the aftermath of the blur of our emotional meeting with Jaden yesterday, I think I left out a few key details. First -- we forgot to ask how much he weighed. So, my scientific analysis says...he is about 18 or 19 pounds. No idea if that is correct -- not at all. He felt good when I picked him up though -- really sturdy and cuddly. His foster mom says he loves to be cuddled. Whew. I think that is good -- I've got a lot of latent desire to hug and snuggle with him.

Also -- he is crawling! Really well -- a regular little scuttle-butt. He pulls himself up on furniture and takes a few steps while holding on to objects. He eats a few things -- like yogurt and rice porridge. He puts himself to sleep, according to his foster mom. He also sleeps in a crib. Whew again. The cultural norm is co-sleeping in Korea. Dustin and I were getting geared up to do the same to ease Jaden's transition. But, let me make this clear -- we both wake up at the sound of a feather falling in the next room even WITHOUT children. I think co-sleeping with a wriggly 8-month-old would be a bit of a challenge.

After our way-too-quick meeting yesterday, we met the President of the Eastern Social Welfare Society (the Korean agency we are adopting through) and then had a traditional Korean lunch with other adopting families. There were about 8 families there for the lunch. Most were about to become parents for the first time -- just like us. Needless to say, we have a lot in common!

We went sightseeing afterwards, and navigated the subway system somewhat effectively. We ended up in bed at 8:00 -- not joking. I was beat. I was up at 1 am for an hour, and then again at 5 am for good. We are now killing time until the city opens at 8:00 am. We plan on going to the Korean War memorial this morning, doing some more shopping, and finally meeting my cousin who lives in Seoul for dinner tonight. This is our last day without being together as a family. Did I mention I'm looking at our photos from yesterday in an obssessive compulsive manner? Here are a few more.

Finally, we have to say thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the many, many good wishes and messages you have all sent. As I've said before, there is no playbook for building a family through adoption. Being able to have two-way communication with our loved ones back home has exponetially increased our happiness with this process. It makes the whole experience so much more real.

Cute alert!

2008-12-16T02:43:00.000-08:00

Attached are a few professional photos of Jaden that his foster mother gave us.

First hellos

2008-12-15T20:39:00.000-08:00

We arrived at the agency at 10:00 am (after a bit of a runaround the city with a confused taxi driver.) We met a social worker who gave us Jaden's passport and told us that his foster mother was on her way. She shut us in a backroom and we waited. The minutes took an eternity - the last few before we met our son.

The foster mom finally walked in and immediately held Jaden out to us. With gusto she introduced us to him as "ommah" and "oppah" (mom and dad.) Jaden didn't necessarily agree -- he was definitely a little hesitant with us at first. We went up to a playroom and had about 30 minutes together. The foster mother and social worker explained his routines to us. To be honest, it was terribly hard to concentrate. It was just so amazing; seeing him, touching him, hearing him, watching him. He is a busy little boy with a happy demeanor. He laughed and smiled often and played with every toy that was out in that short period of time. He let me hold him for a few minutes at a time before fussing for his foster mom. We got a chance to snap a few photographs -- the first of thousands I'm sure.

The foster mom is just phenomenal. She gave us a couple of photo albums of pictures she had taken over the past 8 months. She also gave us an amazing photo of Jaden on his 100th day -- all dressed up in traditional attire. It is gorgeous -- he is gorgeous. A perfect, healthy, happy baby boy. We couldn't ask for anything more.

We will meet with him again on Thursday afternoon and hope that he begins to feel more comfortable with us. Until then, we will scour the city for things he might enjoy.

The wait was definitely worth it.

Who needs sleep?

2008-12-15T03:35:00.000-08:00

(Dustin here) We made it! 17 hours of air travel and we are now in Seoul... and may we say a pleasantly uneventful trip thus far. The snow and ice in Minnesota was unable to stop our departure and the rest of the trip went very smoothly. Korean Airlines is wonderful and, so far, highly recommended!

It has been a whirlwind since we arrived... so no pictures yet until tomorrow. We just dined on some"korean style" sushi... interesting (ali said "sub par".) For now, we will sleep (enter exhaustion here)... tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow, we meet our son for the very first time at 11am. :)

Greetings from Seattle! I feel blurry!

2008-12-14T12:10:00.000-08:00

(dustin here) Just because Ali doesn't know how to use a camera phone... she is still ok. After 6 attempts, this was our best shot. :) Maybe I am just not photogenic. Only 11.5 short hours to go...

Leaving Minneapolis on our way to Seoul!

2008-12-14T05:44:00.000-08:00

Seoul Bound

2008-12-13T11:57:00.000-08:00

In less than 24 hours we will be on a plane to meet our son. Today, I think, is the first day we get checked on our parenting skills. We had to choose clothes for the trip, we are sterilizing bottles, and making sure there are enough things in our bag to keep Jaden somewhat entertained on our enviable 12.5 (yes, you read that correctly) flight back from Seoul to Chicago. I was fairly proud that we didn't have "much to do" today -- I thought we were pretty set. But, I've been up since 7, it is now 2, and I haven't put anything of Jaden's in a bag yet -- let alone of my own. Welcome to our new life.

The house is a bit of a disaster, but I've made sure Jaden's room is properly organized. Here's a picture of what awaits our little boy. The quilt is compliments of my mother. I.love.it. Thanks mom, I can't wait to introduce you and everyone else to the latest addition to our family.

Until Seoul then.

Travel Call!!

2008-12-11T17:13:00.000-08:00

9:32 am I'm typing a letter of recommendation for a student and thinking about how I really didn't want to teach in 15 minutes time.

9:33 am An email from my husband comes across my screen that says: Call me!

9:34 am Dustin and I know we are going to be parents within the week! We got the travel call from our agency and Jaden is ready to come home!!

We are leaving on Sunday and will arrive in Korea on Monday. Our return flight is on Friday. My head is still spinning. What a great day!

Showers

2008-11-23T17:01:00.000-08:00

In the past three weeks, Dustin and I have been brought to a state of speechlessness. We had two baby showers thrown for us. One, by our neighbors -- the couples who live in the closest proximity to us in Suburbia-land. The second, by my closest neighbor (both in terms of geography and friendship) and former roommate/card-playing partner and current friend. Both showers left me with a feeling of "is this for us?" and full of love and goodwill. I'm not kidding about this, despite the cheese-factor you may be feeling. My neighbors, friends and relatives have made Dustin and I feel ridiculously loved and supported. I want to share three examples of this.

1. Homemade woodworking

At the couples shower, two of our neighbors made Jaden homemade gifts that go far beyond my talent with glitter and glue.

We love them. The toybox already has two footballs in it.

2. Long Distance

My mother-in-law lives near Atlanta, GA. She works in the field of health care benefits, which we all know is crazy right now because of open enrollment. She took time out of her schedule to fly up here on a Saturday to attend the second shower. It won't surprise you when I tell you she is one of the most generous, caring, selfless people whom I've ever met. It was so exciting having her here to show her Jaden's room, diapers, blankets, etc. I love her lots.

3. Thoughtfulness

My two friends who hostessed the second shower need to open a catering business. Between the cake and the food spread, I felt like I should have paid admission to attend.

The two organized the shower with an Asian theme -- all of the food was so inspired and was nothing short of fantastic. There were fortune cookies and paper lanterns. To top it off, one of the hostesses and her husband gave a gift that still make my eyes water -- a traditional hanbok that Jaden can wear for his first birthday.

I guess I just wanted to take a moment to share some of the highlights of the showers. Everyone who came, all the gifts and notes that were given; they all make me feel more secure and supported while on the precipice of parenthood. So, once again, thank you.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-19T18:21:00.000-08:00

Jaden will have three moms in his life. I think a lot about all three of these moms on a daily basis: his first mother, his foster mother and me. I think about these three moms so much. I will meet his foster mother soon. She has taken care of him every day since he was just a tiny, tiny baby. She knows his cries when he is hungry, she took care of him this fall when he was sick, and she is preparing to say good-bye to him in the next few weeks. I want to write her a letter to have translated into Korean. I want to tell her how much peace her love and care has brought to my husband and I during these torturous weeks waiting to meet our son. I want to tell her thank you.

I may or may not ever meet Jaden's first mother -- his birthmother. Her story is one I cannot imagine, but her life will be linked forever to mine. I do not want to trivialize or minimalize her decisions and sacrifices by speculating what may or may not have been. But, I do want to recognize that I think of her daily. She knew Jaden from the beginning, and has given us a son to love for a lifetime. Our gratitude for this is indescribable.

Over the past two weeks, I feel like I have started identifying as a mother. There is no rulebook here -- becoming a mother through adoption. I am overcome with excitement, fear, love, amazement, and awe simultaneously. I'm going to be Jaden's mom. I don't want to let his other two down.

Halfway

2008-11-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

Five weeks in and this is what I know:

1. We have received our I-171 form which means Jaden has received a visa from the US government! This seems like a big deal...at least we are treating it as such.

2. A couple of weeks ago we found out that Jaden had been in the hospital with a nasty virus. He is fine now, but it was really hard to find out about this after the fact. The silver lining is that we received updates on his growth.

3. He was 16.88 pounds and 27 inches long at his 6 month appointment.

4. My leave of absence request from my job is being finalized. I won't be returning to school after our winter break.

5. Dustin and I ordered Jaden's diapers this week. BumGenius 3.0. I'm sure I'll be blogging about the cost/benefit of going this route in the future. Regardless, they are cute. Check them out at http://www.cottonbabies.com/.

6. Barack Obama will be our baby's President!

I think that is it for now. We have our first official baby shower this evening. Things are getting more real by the second.

A One Gallon Bag

2008-10-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

Three and a half weeks -- that's how far into this wait we are. If you'd like to know the truth, it seems like a hell of a lot longer than that. During infertility purgatory there is this time called the dreaded "two week wait." All infertiles know this phrase and shudder at the thought. It refers to the window of time that occurs after an embryo transfer until a pregnancy test. Add to that mental stress the physical pain of at least one intramuscular shot of a liquid the consistency of cold syrup into your butt each night, and this wait turned into a party beyond description. I really hated that time. I don't hate this time -- but it certainly has its moments.

I broke down last week. I finally emailed my adoption agency and asked if I should expect any form of communication between now and the travel call. Evidently, I can track through the 49 steps before we can travel OR I can sit back and trust the system is working. With my newfound zen approach on life, I (we) have decided to let the system work (please work, please god...please work.) We were given permission to put together a one gallon ziploc bag worth of objects for our baby boy. Dustin sent this out this morning. Do you know how small a one gallon bag is? I couldn't fit myself into it -- in case you were wondering. Dustin and I had to go through the house and decide what was important enough to send to Jaden, but not so valuable that we would be heartbroken if it were lost (there is no guarantee this package will actually arrive in Korea before we do.) After contemplating this for a few days, here is what we came up with:

A photo album -- a really ugly one made by this Whoozit company -- but I guess babies like the crinkly paper. We put five pictures in there of Dustin and I. We even put the one in where Dustin said, "that makes me look fat." If you know Dustin, you know why this picture still made the cut. However, the one where I looked half-baked? That one did NOT make it in.
A disposable camera. We hope that the foster mother who is loving and caring for Jaden is taking pictures of him too. But, that is not a requirement. We are sending a camera in hopes for 24 shots of his 6th and 7th months of life.
A blanket. We bought it, I washed it, we slept with it to put our smells on it. Now, it is en route to Korea.

This may not seem like much, but the love that is accompanying these items is keeping me up at night. I'm sure the package does more for us than it does for him at this point. At least it is something. Now, I had better get back to not calling the US immigration offices.

Week #1 -- Done and done

2008-10-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

We have made it through our first week of waiting for the travel call. In case you were wondering...so far, so good. I have had no random episodes of insanity (or any more than usual), and my husband is still in good spirits. But it isn't for a lack of trying to go around the bend. Yesterday we set up our registries (enter in dramatic dum, dum, dum music here.) This is needed as much for people who are kind enough to want to purchase something for our little one, as for us to realize what equipment is needed to raise a child. We live in "that house" right now. The one kids hate because there are zero toys. The one that has exposed outlets. The one with no thermometer for fevers. Right now, if we had to travel to Korea tomorrow, our baby would be hooked up with a rockin' laptop but no diapers.

First stop: Local discount store. This was not so bad. Remember, aside from never being parents before, we are looking down the barrel of parenting a nearly mobile, solid-food eating child. We also can only guess how much our baby will weigh, what kind of bottle he uses, if he uses a pacifier, or if he likes music when he sleeps. So, what do we need? Clothes. Definitely our baby should be clothed in winter. I knew Dustin was enjoying himself when he starting independently putting onesies on the list. I think he may have even dropped an "isn't this cute?" in there somewhere, although he'd die before admitting it. Excellent.

Next stop: the baby superstore. I knew we were doomed when we had to sit down for an orientation. The very nice lady made an analogy between said superstore and family, "and since you ask your family for advice, we should be your go-to people for your baby." Um, not so much, although I appreciate the offer. Really. They equipped us with a list of "what to register for", did some quick math based on the number of friends we supposedly have, and told us to be sure to register for ~150 items. My eyes bulged. We then wandered aimlessly, each looking for an out wherever we could find it: bathrooms, water, staring at blinking lights. As we left (thank goodness for lunch!), the lady to whom I turned over the magic scanning gun actually laughed at our total. Thirty items. And that was with us throwing caution to the wind.

So week one comes to a close, and I'm pretty sure I should start thinking about that diaper thing more seriously.

10 - 9 - 8 - 7...

2008-10-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

The countdown officially starts today. From today, we have a 10-14 week wait to travel to Korea. Dustin and I have spent the last two weeks documenting our lives. This paperwork will allow for the immigration and adoption process to take place. Today, our lives got sent over to Korea. Now, we wait. Again. But, this time is different.

During this wait we get to stare at the picture of our little boy every day, multiple times a day. A friend of mine said today that she's looked at him so much that she "feels like she already knows him." It's kind of true. Each day I am wrapping my head a little more around the impossible concept that this is our child to raise, love, and all other things "parenty."

During this wait I get to start enjoying the anticipation of collecting baby things. My mom (aka Martha Stewart) has been with me the last few days sewing masterpiece baby quilts. My dearest friends are planning showers and knitting booties. I get to go and pick up our rocking chair tomorrow. My cousin has sent me the pros/cons list of every cloth diaper on the market. My neighbor has dropped off a copy of his son's favorite nighttime story. My sister is sending her Jump-a-Roo our way. This is fun.

During this wait I can start to imagine what an eight-month-old looks like when I hold my sister's baby. I get to talk with my dad (Human Growth Development expert) about eye contact and object permanence. I get to start washing our clothes with perfume free detergent.

Will this euphoria last? I seriously doubt it. I'm pretty sure the crazy train will come and pick me up soon enough. But, right now, I'm happy -- plain and simple.

Here he is!

2008-09-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

Here is our beautiful baby boy! We accepted his referral yesterday afternoon. He is 5 months old. I am honestly at a loss for words right now. I think I have to leave the rest of the story for another day. For now, you can do what I've been doing for the past 5 days....sit; stare; smile; repeat.

The hardest part

2008-08-25T07:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. Since what? Since I've updated this blog. Since I've heard from my agency. Since we applied for adoption. Since we started to try and become parents. The other night I asked Dustin what he looks forward to most in the upcoming months. His response: "Not waiting anymore." I couldn't agree more.

I used to refer to infertility as purgatory -- never knowing when (or if) parenthood would come upon us. As we changed gears towards adoption there was a certain feeling of elation that came. We had the waiting thing down, and on the end of this wait is a child. A family. That was so liberating. But, now...I'm tired of waiting. Again.

There really isn't a choice, of course. So we will continue down this path. We keep going out and making purchases. We bought the crib, the changing table, a stroller, a mattress and Dino. In our various trips to the baby warehouse store, I became attached to a stuffed dinosaur. I went so far as to carry it around the store as Dustin and I discussed the pros and cons of various pieces of furniture. He was mortified. When we bought the crib, I bought Dino too. He is now my surrogate child. Do you think I'm certifiable? It gets better. As soon as we assembled the stroller, I put Dino in it and went around the house. Dustin forbid me from going outside with him. Now that the crib and changing table are here, I move Dino from place to place. I've strapped him onto the changing table. I've put him to bed and covered him with his blanket. Why? Partly because it is funny. Partly because Dino is so ridiculously cute. Partly because it makes Dustin think I'm nuts (but I think he secretly likes it too.) But mostly, because I'm just so tired of waiting.

Cribs-R-Us

2008-08-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

Until about a month ago, all the word "cribs" meant to me was that it was yet another show teenagers watch of which I'm completely out-of-touch. Seriously. I think I once designed a lesson plan based on my interpretation of the show. It was something to the effect of "James Madison's Crib" complete with primary source documents. My students were impressed by the name only.

For a month, I've been researching cribs. First, I wanted white furniture, then a natural wood. I read review after review on-line. I've been to Babies-R-Us no less than 5 times just wandering around shaking various pieces of furniture. On Saturday, my husband and I went and we conquered. We chose this crib and a matching dresser (referred to as a "combo" in babyland). Black. It was the one I loved most the first time in the store, but told myself it wasn't "baby" enough. Now, I think it is perfect.

I know it is superficial, consumeristic and all of those good things. It is also a safe, sturdy bed for my child(ren) to use over the next several years. As soon as we get it set up, it will be our constant reminder of what is to be in a few short months. A family. A baby. A crib.

My Husband or Picasso?

2008-07-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

I've been traveling for the last week and a half visiting my sibilings and their respective children. During that time, my husband took it upon himself to paint our baby's bedroom. Someone (maybe me) suggested paiting stripes on one wall in the room. Someone else (maybe Dustin) had to figure out how to do this. As mentioned earlier, he is an engineer and has taken approximately 18 levels of calculus in his lifetime. As you can see, all this education finally came to good use.

Step #482

2008-07-21T07:43:00.001-07:00

The Department of Homeland Security serves multiple purposes in our brave new world -- most of which are "On Notice" in my mind. Back in April, Dustin and I ventured into the nearest branch of said department to have our fingerprints taken as part of the process to prove that we are fit parents. As we stared at a plexi-covered stock photo of GW, we almost had to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. We are forging through the bureaucracy of our first adoption without much to guide us but our own research, naiveté, and sense of humor (this is key.) I was not quite sure what I was doing in that dingy office with the forboding signs of "NO CELL PHONES OR FIREARMS" on that Wednesday morning, but I knew it was on a checklist. The checklist -- that is what we have to keep us somewhat sane. Our agency has given us flowcharts and lists for all learning types so that each time we think we've come upon a milestone in the pre-adoption process we can cross-reference our excitement with a checklist. Whew. I guess it is our equivalent of "What to Expect...".

Anyway, last week we received news that our time was not wasted. Our fingerprints were part of a larger procedure that allowed the US government to approve us for the adoption of an international orphan. Technically, we received our I-600A approval. But, let's be honest -- to us it is another check on the list. We know there are many more steps until our family comes together at last in Seoul sometime in the next six months. But, it feels good to move down one step further. I am staring at the official paperwork right now, wondering if it is possible for maternal feelings to come out of looking at a such a sterile piece of paper. Based on the stinging in the back of my eyes right now, I'm pretty sure it is.

European Vacation

2008-07-06T20:14:00.000-07:00

So, our flight to get us to Rome was booked a month late.

So, my fellow group leader and I had 47 souls stranded in London for 24 hours.

So, 18 out of the 49 travelers lost their bags for an average of 7 days.

We lived. In the slideshow on the right are photos of Dustin and I in the happier moments of this adventure. If you click on any picture, you can even read some narrative and/or title for each.

P.S. Never, ever, ever travel with EF Tours. And that's all I have to say about that.

Let the games begin...

2008-07-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

...nope, not the Olympics. Better yet, my attempt to start a family story on-line. My family right now is me (thirty-something teacher) and my husband (thirty-something marketing engineer) and our dog (a goldendoodle) and our unmentionable feline. After a few years of trying our best to become parents with all technology had to offer, we are finally on a successful path in that direction; albeit not the path of original intent. As of April 15, 2008 we are officially a waiting family with CHSFS and are expecting to travel to meet our child in South Korea by the close of 2008. Also officially, as of about 2 weeks ago, I began freaking out about the vast amount of preparation that needs to be done for this event.

Today was spent roaming the aisles of "Babies-R-Us" in somewhat of a shock-and-awe state. This baby-world is a world that was strictly off-limits to Dustin and I for the past four years in order to protect us against insanity. But with imminent parenthood finally upon us we jumped in wholeheartedly today: cribs, strollers, diaper hampers (?), bed sets, Winnie, Graco, Einstein...seriously! We walked out with one blanket. That was enough for today.

My summer vacation is now filled with questions as easy as "how to decorate a nursery?", as foreign as "what foods does a child eat at 7-10 months of age?", and as overwhelming as "how do we prepare to be parents, adoptive parents, and trans racial adoptive parents simultaneously?". I'm overwhelmed, scared, nervous, and just incredibly, incredibly happy at the prospect of meeting our child at long last.